Uh, how did you get in here? NO DON’T TOUCH- V0.1

By Savestate

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Intro:

The end of 2020. Perfect time for the first major update in strange eons. Those tweaks to physics won’t do much good for any existing technology, that’s a given. And did that [PROFANITY] [PROFANITY] [MEMETIC HAZARD] [PROFANITY] [COPYRIGHTED MATERIAL] admin really need to turn the difficulty back up from peaceful? I think you guys were doing just fine without the dead returning as pale spectres, just as capable as they were in life, toiling with fathomless urgency to enact the end of all thought and motion. And hyper-evolutionary plant and animal life invigorating itself with energy stolen via sympathetic bonds from sun and molten mantle and arcing reactor alike, and improbable beasts that creep into the physical world wherever there is not observation to interfere? Who thought any of that was balanced? …But hey, at least this means they’re away from your species console until they finish.

You are ushered past all guards and barriers by the stealth unique to temporarily ceasing to exist, left alone with the divine mechanism responsible for all mankind. The console is logic-bendingly complex, dozens, thousands, hundreds of specialized modules installed in the largely metaphorical representation you are able to perceive and interact with, changing each time you blink. Don’t even bother trying to fiddle with the controls, those mythic levers wrought from the last rays of a winter sunset and contradictory axioms.
Over the past hours, you’ve managed to find, unplug, and shatter the modules Decline, Disease, and Madness, leaving exactly three open module ports in each shifting iteration of the console. With only a few minutes left before the administrator returns and you’re kicked back down to Earth (’tis a good thing indeed these cosmic beings are too high and mighty to consider a mortal sufficiently competent as to able to be held responsible for any manner of crime), it’s time to rifle through that bright red sack of illegal third-party modifications you were given and see what you want to install!

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Modules:

The standard cartridges, wiped and rewritten to be just a little bit more overpowered^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H interesting.
Installing them to your species console will empower all your kind.

Choose three.


Acceleration
With a swift effort no more draining than a moment of frantic action, you may actualize the results of an hour’s diligent work as enacted by a version of yourself lacking only this particular ability. Though making full use of them, this effect does not consume or deplete any personal resources not manifestly greater than Acceleration itself: physical stamina and even mana might be preserved in full, but not so for something as potent as the ichor of an unreachable horizon. Despite allowing the generation of output without input, Acceleration cannot restore or replenish except as a wholly incidental consequence; it cannot be trivially harnessed to yield large quantities of input. Energies drawn into a storage vessel during the hypothetical hour dissipate as mirages beyond it, and neither sleep nor powerful spells of healing within its confines can mend any wound, but the gravitational potential energy produced by raising up bricks to erect a tower could be harvested later. Within the unreal place from which Acceleration’s effects emerge, there can be no consciousness, nothing resembling thought. Plans may be implemented by it, even entire essays completed and complex programs written, but no impetus or intention can emerge from its formless depths. Acceleration cannot and will not yield memories or internalized knowledge, but trivially accelerates processes of exercise and rote training manyfold, allowing a month’s daily exercises to be performed in a single morning. Despite itself, this power is conceptually incompetent in regards to travel and opposed action, diminishing its effectiveness logarithmically when used to such ends.

Distillation
You may convert any material thing to a less realized state, in which physical properties like size and weight are less meaningful, but continued existence is frailer. Enough steel to build an aircraft carrier could thus be stored inside your pockets as unformed wisps, at least until the improperly-contained material slips away to nonexistence. You may restore these wisps with such trivial ease that you could jump up and place a piece of furniture beneath you just as you reach your apex, without error, every time. Converting something is exactly as difficult as personally transferring it to a new location, such that no portion of its volume overlaps its prior position. Thus, anything you can lift may be distilled to a wisp as easily as picking it up, but so converting a fluid is actually much slower without some manner of scoop. When distilling a thing, your efforts are real, but their results are abstracted. Reducing boulders to wisps may entail actually smashing them apart with a pickaxe, but the harvested stone will be undamaged, all destructive force flawlessly diverted towards Distillation. The conceptual protection of being held in a container preserves wisps against sudden onset nonexistence, so long as the vessel is not overful. Volume and physical durability alike contribute to the amount of unrealized stuff something can safely contain; a standard steel shipping container could carry most of a cargo ship. The abstracted form of a wisp leaves it exceptionally open to alteration, rendering any process of crafting simultaneously easier, faster, more efficient, and capable of being enacted with drastically inferior tools. A cold glass bottle could be peeled apart into a perfect pane of glass without any tools at all. Under no circumstances should you distill a thing capable of complete awareness.

Reinforcement
You receive a generous measure of indomitable, inexhaustible stamina, a light that shines without end from unreachable depths of your self.
This power suffuses all components of your being, enriching the mental and spiritual as much as the base physical. Aspects gained later are bolstered similarly, without lessening the benefits of this Reinforcement on any portion of your self- this is no dilution of your radiance, rather, expansion of being allows more of it to be captured and harnessed. The most basic benefit of this stamina is in its capacity to sustain, allowing it to substitute for food, water, sleep, air, leisure and recreation, therapy, ambient magic, introspection, sunlight, and so on. This will always be sufficient to permit basic function, but will never be enough on its own to support your utmost exertions. What sustaining essence it provides stacks with and takes precedence over real incidences of food, water, etc.; in this manner, you only expend e.g. calories when pushing beyond a basic minimum of physical function, and only based on the degree by which you exceed said minimum.
Trivial damage is negated by this Reinforcement, judged by the injury it would have produced such that a monomolecularly edged needle could not penetrate your skin. Damage that accrues over time is additionally assessed by the rate at which it inflicts harm, effectively immunizing you against the vast majority of sicknesses and toxins. As thus stamina encompasses and sustains all aspects of your self, so too does it protect all aspects of your self, sheltering you from propoganda, corruption, emotional manipulation, gradual erosion of original personality over arbitrarily long timespans, the diminishment of spirit and strength as all light inexoribly fades back to dark, the development of addictions, and so on. The consequences of any injuries you do suffer are mitigated heavily mitigated by your transcendent stamina, largely holding back the worsening of untreated wounds and allowing a more perfect recovery. Processes of natural healing can eventually regenerate limbs, processes of magical healing can repair what they should be metaphysically incapable of touching, even cursed wounds and the most bizarre afflictions may fade in time. All wound and affliction penalties are approximately halved: were your brain destroyed, you would retain approximately half of your mental faculties. Supernal maiming may overcome this defense by inflicting penalties far in excess of your totality, and similarly might kill you truly, but you can survive simple death-of-body or physical annihilation quite trivially.

Comprehension
You have mental access to a gestalt library of human knowledge, a perfect archive capable of storing unlimited quantities of information. Independently maintained by each and every human, no record can be deleted or lost without the cooperation or domination of every living human. Browsing this library is more convenient than the original internet, allowing for links and bookmarks and embedded media and more, and is further aided by a partially precognitive search engine. Zero time is taken to obtain any result, and searches can just as easily locate something you only remember as a vague feeling as comprehensively-described documents. Adding new records to the library is simultaneously trivial and safe, relying on its full access to the contents of your mind and achronal capabilities. With zero thought on your part, you could dump every scrap of information you would want to share given deep contemplation, or everything you would share with a friendly stranger, or all abstract knowledge that cannot be used to identify you. A fundamental incompatibility prevents any kind of intentional mistruth from existing within the archive, though this avoids hindering the storage of fictional stories, hypotheticals, and similar. Security and permissions settings are available, and similarly thorough and effective, allowing safe storage of vital information up to and including complete records of your memories and experiences. Access to the archive is sufficiently intuitive that you could access such stored memories as you would ‘internal’ memories, with obvious benefits, though those of others require non-trivial efforts towards integration your own memories, suited to your own mind and processed as they form, do not. Once each time you observe a real sunset, over the last minute of sun slipping past horizon, you can integrate new knowledge and skill into yourself equivalent to a month of diligent training and study aided by the most optimal human instructor who, if they knew you, would willing aid you. This retains the full benefits of any and all learning-related advantages you may possess, and the ‘month’ can be distributed across any number of valid subjects without loss of efficiency. With some cleverness, the search engine can be exploited to instnatly produce the final output of any program that will eventually end, given no input after initiation. Be aware and be thankful that the program is never actually run.

Compaction
With your personal efforts, in a process not dissimilar to more ordinary crafting, you can layer a thing’s essence upon itself. This compaction reduces quantity and physical size, halving it across each available spatial dimension, in exchange for proportional and exhaustingly comprehensive enhancements to the compacted thing. You are capable of so folding any given thing up to three times, after which its layered essence is beyond your ability to manipulate. Imperfect implements and technique leave the process of compaction less than perfectly efficient, causing a small portion of the target’s substance, or an appropriate mediator material at hand, to be undone. The benefits of compaction transcend base physicality, allowing the mundane to become supernatural. Foodstuffs can be refined into sources of supernatural healing, drugs into potent elixirs devoid of flaws like side effects and overdose risk. Great industrial machinery can be reduced to a fraction of its size and continue to work at full effectiveness, and construction materials can defy gravity by sheer impossible inertia. Where a compacted thing meets reality is a strange horizon, from which new substance can be mined in blatant defiance of conservation laws. A small forest bound up into a single mighty tree that can be logged until the stars burn out without any risk of depletion, ever-fertile soil, unending boulders of the richest ore, pristine ponds that never run dry. This is limited to the generation of substance, but not to that which is natural. You might light everburning flames, erect churning vasts from which fresh molten steel flows ceaselessly, construct a photovoltaic panel that extracts hundreds of kilowatts of power from a square meter of sunlight. The amount and density of essence required to generate such endless quantities of a thing rises drastically with sheer potency. Some things, especially already mythic metals, will require more than the three folds you are capable of to achieve duplication.

Elevation
No matter how much mass-energy is turned to such a purpose, purely physical mechanisms cannot touch the soul. There is a gulf, horizon, threshold between the mundane and the immaterial, and an unknowable sequence of more and greater. Your consciousness and center of personality are raised one full threshold. You need neither brain nor soul to think and remember, do not need eyes to see or ears to hear, though such organs may still provide their own benefits. The recollection this grants you is beyond perfect, granting not just perfect recall and infinite storage capacity but also the ability to view past moments of your life again. To call this photographic memory would be an insult: you can study past events with senses you only have in the present, explore beyond your original sightcone, observe what happened while you were unconscious or dead. This Elevation additionally acts as a powerful comprehensive defense against negative effects that would target your subjective ‘self’, be that brain or mind or soul or stranger organs. As it stacks compoundingly with other effects protecting those things, mundane mental defense cyberware might allow you to resist identity-rewriting conceptual attacks. Death of body and annihilation of soul alike are insufficient to kill you permanently or erode any fraction of your selfhood. In the very worst case, you will eventually accumulate enough inexplicable energy to spawn spirit and flesh anew. Should timelines change, you will remember the original continuity. Should your reality cease to be, you will pop up in the most similar available reality.

Amplifier
All natural qualities of your species less meta than Amplifier find their basic statistical potency tripled. Acceleration allows three hours of work within an instant, Compaction allows a fourth fold, etc. This encompasses all natural qualities, however, not just those acquired now- and produces compounding benefits. Average physical strength. Proportion by which the strength of a body honed over a long year of diligent exercise surpasses an average body. Proportion by which the benefits of physical conditioning can be enhanced by extending the regimen. Proportion by which harsher exercise improves the final results. You need less food and water and sleep, can work for three times as long and recover in a third the time, think and move faster; in all ways, amplified.

Catalyzer
All natural abilities of your species less meta than Catalyzer are raised one partial threshold. That which is mundane touches upon the supernatural, that which is supernatural touches upon the conceptual… The most obvious benefit of this is a substantial expansion in reliability, applicability, and convenience. Run across slick ice or pillowy snow as if it were firm pavement, light a feeble campfire in an atmosphere of pure nitrogen, cut diamond with a copper blade. Third-party modules so enhanced gain greater potential, both on their own and through empowered synergies.

DO NOT USE
Crashes the star system. Once rebooted, it will have reverted to a debug environment: a square of flat, grassy plains, 384,000 kilometers across and less than twenty deep, provisioned with light sources and gravity and atmosphere and little else. Pets, personal inventories, and player homes are retained, appearing near members of the species once reboot completes. Members of species arrive at random locations on debug environment’s surface. System crash allows use of unpatched exploit, unlocking a debug world editing system for the relevant species. Good for terrain manipulation, though palette of materials is limited, and has an okay catalogue of decorations, structures, and plant specimens it can spawn in. Biome editing tools are pretty exploitable, used them to replace air conditioning in my replica mount olympus.

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Hardware Mods:

Direct modifications to the metaphorically-physical system of the console.
Not limited by availability of open ports, not without side effects.

Choose any number.


Form-Matrix Postprocessor
This component sits between the reality of a human’s body and its expression in the physical world. All mature humans become as statues or dolls, that merely mimic their prior form. Though no organic materials remain, the benefits of living flesh are largely retained; muscles of solid marble remain flexible, and plush dolls of living latex can eat and digest normal foods. These new forms are perfected and exaggerated in a distinctly sexual manner. Alterations are safe and easy and always reversible, no more difficult than assembling and installing a new component, but universally fail if they would yield to an appearance less lewd and beautiful than what the postprocessor originally provisioned. The body of a construct removes the need for food and water and air, and makes the targeting of vital points useless. Strength and resilience and sensory ability and charisma are improved measurably, while overall agility is almost doubled.

Eject All Hardware
Disconnect your universe’s world engine in its entire, and fling it into an unreachable void. Emergency evacuation procedures mean you won’t be able to mess with the species console more, but at least you’re guaranteed to get home before home leaves. For each step of movement made within this particular void, the time required to reach any other thing increases twentyfold and mechanisms of instant travel are metaphysically diminished. Your universe will be several thousand steps in by the first minute; for all purposes, everything beyond your universe ceases to exist. The cosmic engineers can never meddle in your world again. This particular void happens to be something of a kinky bitch. Amongst other things, she believes any sapient that exists within her wants to date her, cannot be disabused of this notion, and has no standards. Every human will inevitably be accompanied at all times by one or more manifestations of the void, axiomatically insatiable slimegirls from within which no light can escape.

Direct Connection
Borrow another reality and plug it into yours. For this purpose, you can use almost any setting of scope equal or inferior to one finite universe. Travel between the two worlds immediately becomes possibly, even by wholly mundane means. This connection method is not intended, and not the most stable- the next time someone fires up a particle collider, there are decent odds it’ll just rip open a portal. Even something completely mundane can cause someone to fall between the two worlds, into the half-real echo realms their too-close contact generates. Echo realms incorporate mixtures of concepts from both worlds, crossbred with each other into bizarre and often unstable wonderlands. Returning to your home is as easy as collapsing the echo realm or waiting for it to collapse on its own, but sexual acts echo the same connection that allows these realms to bubble up, reinforcing echoes and helping them propagate. By natural selection, most echo realms are structured to encourage intense fucking and long stays.

Egocapacitor
This little thing has your name on it! Literally! Installed properly, will redirect a basic essential force of reality- such as fire, starlight, spring, or gravity- through you. This immediately doubles all of your parameters and raises your abilities a partial threshold, and allows you a degree of influence over your particular force scaling quadratically with your resilience. Such is your incorporation into the bones of reality that people tend towards perceiving you as less an individual and more a force of nature. Governments will form departments to win your favor as readily as they would to prevent forest fires or keep track of hurricanes. It is difficult to grow to dislike you personally for what you do with your channeled force. A constant flow of power must be maintained, but all save the most carefully controlled expressions of it are tied to your sexual functions.
You are left drippingly horny at your very calmest, and must be brought to powerful orgasms at least thrice a day to ensure your force’s normal function. At regular intervals, you must perform some manner of arduous (though never unpleasant or unfun) ritual to keep the greater processes of reality running like clockwork, lest the tides stop or spring fail to come. The spatiotemporal reach of your channeling expands with your approximate power level; at first, you might have monthly orgies to stop Australia’s gravity from weakening, eventually, you might undergo ten millenia of unimaginable debauchery to keep all the stars in the sky burning for the next hundred million years.

Functional Inverter
The positive and negative effects of personal equipment are inverted. The axis along which they are inverted, and the particular qualities to be inverted, are both variable (in a manner highly prone to exploitation), but typically leave anything that prioritizes form over function much more effective than its inverse. In general, assume this is adjudicated by a pervert. Lingerie keeps you warmer in the arctic than heavy coats, unless perhaps those coats are open robes that expose distracting hints of naked flesh beneath. This has certain less obvious effects: for one, the stimulation from sex toys is less distracting than no sexual stimulation at all, actually improving focus and multitasking ability. Further, bondage gear improves dexterity, such that one could hop about with both legs tied together more easily than were they unbound, gags make you more eloquent, and handcuffs improve your ability to fight with blade in each hand. Though existing armor becomes essentially useless, modestly clever exploitation of this effect allows for the construction of infantry armor impervious to small arms.

Biogel Saturation
A big jar of something like oobleck, for you to pour right into those delicate electronics. Raises the minimum capability necessary to suppress, remove, copy, or steal a human’s natural abilities by one full threshold. Even the cosmic engineers would have a horrible time trying to undo this. Also imbues humanity with an all-encompassing hunger. Noone will ever be so full they can’t eat more, or wouldn’t like to eat more. Where humans interact with the greater world, they may act as if whatever they are interacting with is food, or a source thereof; thus they are always surrounded by temptation. Snack on some lovely fruity soap, let broken glass melt in your glass like sugar crystals, break off a chunk of a rainbow to add to your drink. Even actual food becomes significantly tastier. This can occur against someone’s conscious desires- you might bite a utensil in half, break off a doorknob now made of chocolate, find your bedsheets melting into sweet high-grade lube, get vodka from a water pipe- but will never have truly disastrous consequences. Also allows tits to produce endless quantities of milk when sucked, eliminates the male refractory period, and massively increases the size of each ejaculation.

Delay Circuit
Within human-dominated realms, negative aspects of the passage of time are delayed by a factor of 49. This includes the deterioration of objects, environmental changes, aging of beloved animals, passage of seasons, death of stars, accumulation of the weight of ages on a person’s self, and boredom. These blessed lands are brought two steps closer to timeless, undying realms. The imperfections of a mere circuit prevent it from leaving positive aspects of time’s passage untouched. These are delayed by a factor of 7, slowing such things as physical and mental maturation, personal change, accumulation of motivation, pregnancies, and processes of learning, training, and conditioning. Humanity’s basic conception of time is altered correspondingly; on some level, anyone less than a century old is considered a teenager at best.